To Be Hers Or Not To Be

You got to move

2008-06-05T01:00:00.000-07:00

Recently I read several postings about the topic 'are women natural dominant' or not.

I have to say that the word 'dominance' at first has to be defined. In the sight of a submissive -wanna be She should be dominant in way like a dominatrix is, right? An sexually too of course. How dominant can the receiving part in intercourse actually be? The male will always have the 'more active' more pentrating' role - from nature. So in that view he is more or less to be seen as 'dominant'.
But is this dominant or is he just one half of the plug?
On the other hand I see a natural responsibilty for procreation and raising children with women. May be that changed a little bit, just a little bit to the side of men, since 5000 years ago mankind declared paternity... and detected a more or less presumed charge on the side of men. But still: the one who knows exactly what to do in and around the 'factory' and the house and - more and more in school and business: is the woman. So she might be more predestinated to lead.
So while she is not acting very dominant she IS dominant, because she has the facts of life on her side, while men are fighting, running philosophies and motorbikes.
And sexually? Despite the intercourse she can be dominant to at the receiving end; even more, when she likes to slip into the role of the pampered Queen.
An it is also why I think women get in charge with time in a marriage. The longer it lasts, the older you are, the more women call the shots. Of course submissve men dream about beeing treated like a (sex-) slave by their housewifes.
But living with a real dominant wife can be very different.
If there has to be done what she likes, then she is the one who is ruling.
In my relationship I found: the more I obeyed, the more I gave, the more she took and demanded, - in a natural way and it is going on.
I believe women are far more effective than men.
So why would she use a whip (if not for the pleasure of her submissve hubby), when he is doing already like he should. She is not so 'dominant' then may be.
When I complain about having not enough sex with her (what happewns from time to time) it might be that she says: okay next saturday night I got some time for you if you absolutely need and want it. Then we might meet in bed on saturday. 'Because you want it so badly' .
And then, once startet as an act of charity to my welfare, things will change immediatly when she get's hot: I will be the one who cares about her farewell.
It is an unexpressed rule that I have to 'work on the sex'. Her big O. is the target then and mine may be following or not- she doesn't care so much. If I worked very well (and hard) for her - once or twice or more, she might ask me after, 'what can I do for you……' But don't you think she would like to make much effort with me, … when to satisfy a man sexually can be done in 45 seconds…… So that's dominant even when she looks very passiv.
SHE is so one who is served and I am the one who is lucky with that serving, when I'm in a submissive mood, but this gets me into this submissive state.
I am sure there are those messenger substances and neurotransmitters which ramble through the intimate areas during oral services from her to him and 'convince' a man getting down on her: to obey and serve his Lady in an addicting way.

When you ask your Lady to be dominant to you and she says no, I want to have it my way or no way, so what do you get?
Yep, she IS already dominant then and only you don't realise. It's her way.
You don't exactlty get what you want, but you get what you need…… :-))
("I saw her today at the reception…… a glass of vine in her hand…… " ooh I love that one.)

So with us it turns out to go more and more this way: the more I go into it with this submissve mood -which includes me beeing dominant when she wants me to: to others-even to her in bed- and beeing eagerly around her needs- the more she demands from me and the less she spares me and my body . It get's more and more 'uncomfortable' for me and I work harder for her for us than before. I love it. I love her more therefore. It's crazy.

Recently I even stopped to ask her 'why' when I am to do something I don't know why I should do it.
'It is because I want it' she said and gave me a clab on my behind whith a 'you got to move' -expression in her eyes. Men like to be 'moved', animated, like to 'endure' and do something for HER.
And that is why I stopped to ask how 'good' and 'real' our FLR -life is compared to others.
This marriage is exactly the way SHE wants it to have. With the exception that I might not be the best choice for her: I am still to change to the better - that is for sure, she's not permitting any doubt about that.
I don't know how it would be in another lifestyle: I don't ask either.

Shifting Ways

2008-02-08T14:24:00.000-08:00

May be it's every year like that with me.
I feel like February.
I'm happy being on my own on the one hand and
becoming more and more a marital body servant on the other hand.

So that's why I stopped posting for a while: nothing really new.

Playing or beeing that slave sometimes is not the best option, because it is not always wired the way submissive husbands like to dream about.

It is of help when I can shift now easily -when she scolds me, I feel kind of very humiliated at first and then, I feel the possibility of making a shift inside and tell myself:

'That's exactly that- if you want to be submissive to her then you have to accept especially the "not so tasty bites". And when I think she's wrong and I am right, than that's the point:- just because she IS right, even if I don't see it right now.'

The situation then begins to excite me. Viewing it from that point I can even relish her quarrels. Relish uncomfortable situations and work.
This again is empowering her to increase her ways until she notices that I won't resist her orders or thoughts and obey.

Feel the tendency

2007-08-22T00:48:00.000-07:00

I am posting not very much these days, as you can see.
The reason is a mixture of "busy" and summer holiday- time.
And sometimes you just don't like to post…

My wife and me are running a business together, so we could see each other 24hours a day.
But we don't do that.
Because she is late and I am very early up. She needs two times as much sleep than I do.

So we only have few hours together- and this time is: children, our business and anything but "relationship".
As I mentioned, my Lady does not like to talk, nor to discuss about "us". I think it's because she won't like my "typical" male sexual desires and attitudes, nor ways she would call too kinky. We have it all already her way.

When things happen, they happen. And they happen, because she wants it. Talking about those is: telenovella; no style. Not her style.

Meanwhile I feel more comfortable with that; with the years you can learn to listen to your partner- if you want to. You can feel, what she feels. But that's not enough, I know.

Sometimes even we have to talk.
Meanwhile she likes to train me to watch her, listen to her and just what she likes.

The more I am following the better it is with her.
It's not all what I wanted. But little by little... it feels "beeing" dominated, beeing submissive.
She is more straight, strict then she was earlier.
And she is -from time to time- more ...cosy.
We know each other so good- or should I say still not very good, but better.

That a man would like to have more sex...that's normal, isn't it?
And all of "us" would like to have more "play" or just more dealing with the subject FLR - normal.
Some make more progress, I know.
But having it her style is something too…

I read a nice posting from Oldbear here concerning the submission of a man to her style. Especially sexually I really like to have it in any way she likes. It is important to have your eyes open, what submissiveness means: doing it her style.
So we have the all day, anybody - situation.
Only that I / WE can deal with it .... in a different way. A better way?
I am not sure. The only "better" is, that there is, or that I feel a tendency to the more: intimacy and female led- marriage.

Haven't Forgotten You, Lady Julia !

2007-08-08T13:05:00.000-07:00

I really miss Lady Julia' s posting on her blog.
But if is it better for her to rest or do whatever fits for her health- I really join her with all my best wishes anyway.
This is only to say: we haven't forgotten her and hope she will be okay soon- it doesn't matter so much if she likes to post then or not!

Her Rules

2007-07-10T11:13:00.000-07:00

I know I'm lucky because I have a wife who at least has a sense of humor to deal with certain topics of my interest . She never would like to do it seriously, it's not her style. Though I know that she knows how far my natural male submissiveness is developed, she wouldn't want to really talk about it. Nor she ever did talk much about sex. It's not (only) her catholic education, it's just fun for her to not talk about it. It' s something adults do -from time to time- and it is considered a little bit crazy, but talk much about it? No. That's none of her business.

Being submissive to my wife also means to play at her terms.
She doesn't like to read much either- especially not in English- so chances are little for me to upfront things in a way I would prefer. She knows about me in her ways and she also long started to use the benefits of a female led relationship by extending her power over me, it comes along with a touch of ironic humor when it comes to what one would call the kinky side.

Surely it works for her without her having to act in a LFA- style (whatever you would understand with that), but who (but me) cares?
So that's why I feel the time is not far when I could drop things more or less seriously but mixed with that touch of humor which she likes, more tiptoe- like.
So like when she asks what I am doing I'd say I'm just reading some blogs about FLR- she might be interested. (I wouldn't show her the home- site of Elise Sutton, she wouldn't like the images, better the aroundherfinger.com).
It seems it has to be her way. Our way. It has to deal with the rules she is accepting or it has to be nothing but shit, that happens.

Take your time, but don't forget the target (how could I ever) and know: it's all up to her. There are no rules but her rules.

That takes me to the wonderful last postings from Veezknight and GoddessV's on their blog, which I highly recommend tonight to this concern. I would like to translate it into German -for my wife- for a German blog, when they give me permission.

I read their blog for a while and took some time to step back to the beginning of that blog..please, if you are interested in the topic: read it all. It's good and well written.

Sunday Morning

2007-07-07T15:03:00.000-07:00

Saturday night I had some interesting dreams about strange neighbours, who wanted to cut some trees of our garden because those trees took too much sun from their property. That was not really a sexual dream as I would have expected after going to sleep in a state of arousal that night- as I told you here.
With one exception. Later a female appearance who did not look like my wife- but acted like her (the way she was demanding things from me) came along.

She was blond and more or less very thin (very small breasts, both differs totally from my wife)

She came to the place where I was arguing with my neighbours and made me drive her to see a doctor- she said, that only after asking the doctor she would be able to "have somebody" for intercourse. Whereby she looked at me as if I did not have any chance to be the one... I was feeling kind of guilt for not driving properly or so. Or for giving up the trees in our garden for the sake of the neighbourhood. Therefore I was not deserving anything- that's how it felt.

She went to see the doctor: I was kind of jealous because he ordered her to get totally naked in front of me and she did not hesitate one moment. Then they left together the room to go to the doctor's office and left me behind.
She came back -after a long time- and did not mention any results of the examination of her body, but wanted me to drive her somewhere else, (she wasn't dressed again) where any "other decisions" had to be done.... Then this scene vanished and soon I woke up. When I fell asleep again she didn't occur once more.

The next morning - Sunday morning- I awoke and found her beside me : my wife as the most attractive woman I could imagine- her skin and all the details a man might love when he sees himself besides the woman he loves. She seemed to be still sleeping but she was not because she started to order me to make some tea and a toast for her. She did not open her eyes so she asked if I was still naked and if I were still aroused because I had no sex last night.
Poor boy.
Hm I said I don't have sex on any night usually.
That seemed to be a bad answer and she remained silent for a while.

Get our breakfast she repeated. But now she said "our" breakfast, as if the game to serve her was finished. As if I had disturbed a little bud of romantic love play by mentioning that it was not only the last night that I was left "frustrated". Well I really have to say that last night was wonderful. But many nights when nobody noticed my desires are not.

That's the way things are. Sometimes you like it sometimes you don't. The point is, you want to be seen, you want to be told. If you cannot have it there should be your wife to say to you: I know what you want, but you cannot have it today, because I like it that way.
This is erotic.
But when nobody cares ... it is boring.

Anyway. I brought "our" breakfast and it turned out to be a nice morning anyway. We didn't have sex, but a kind of intimacy which is rare over the last years and I felt lucky and proud to be the one who is allowed to live so near with her and to be the one who made her happy this morning.

Midsummernighttalk

2007-06-25T03:00:00.000-07:00

We woke up at the same time in the middle of the night. She came close to me and as she was lying in my arms, she realized that I was naked, as I use to be when it is hot like this. She rarely is. I was aroused. Oh ...you are naked, no boxer shorts she said.
I said no.
Then she wrapped her finger around the top of my sac and pulled it down as if to punish me for being so naked (or being aroused).
She said nothing for a while and then
she tightened the grip and pulled more strong.
What would you do for me in order to make me letting you loose again? she whispered.
Hm, I said, the question is more what would I do to make you hold me more often with this possessive grip?
Silence.
Hm, she said. I know what you mean. We both know that you would love me to torture you.
As we know, I said.
And you would do anything for me then?
Yes, I think- not quiet anything, but a lot.
Silence.
That's not enough! She replied and pulled again my balls to the knee.
It has to be anything!
Uh.
Anything! She said. It really hurt now and started to be a little uncomfortable for me.
Okay, anything, I said.
I don't believe you, she answered and the way I heard her breathing beside my ear she must be smiling.
Well, it depends on how you treat me.
It was me who said this.
No, she said, it depends only on you my love. I am not going to spank you as you might demand from me.
No, I not demanding anything like that from you, I replied.
I wouldn't do it anyway she said.
I know.
Yes, she answered.

But you could do what I want you to do anyway- I mean without me doing anything about it, don't you?
Yes I could Madame.
I know you can. Why don't you do so, ....always ?
I am still on my way, I said.
Sounds better, she said, ...but hurry up.
She once again pulled the bells and let me howl just a second to long, whereby she showed that she had time to let me endure my part.

Then she kissed me, snugged at my side and seemed to be asleep again soon.
I needed some time for myself in my aroused state of mind and body and my wonderful wife in my arm.

It was not a dreamless night than, maybe I can tell later, what my dreams where this night and then, what happened the next morning which was a Sunday morning.

She will definitively

2007-06-15T01:28:00.000-07:00

For not being so hard with smokers, (if you smoke the right ones..... "West" in this case)

Hope she will be hard with you anyway , especially when and because you smoke.
You need your oxygene to serving her.

And when you do not smoke?
She will be severe too,
just because you are a man. Don't you think she is going to find something that should be corrected? She will definitively.

You just need a strong female, don't you?
Anybody of you. And you know it....
It doesn't matter if you smoke or not.

Riding properly

2007-06-05T01:18:00.000-07:00

I mentioned in my answers to question No 5 of my interviewer Lady Julia a device called "The Horse" (here) which used to excite me in my daydreams from time to time. I never tested it but I can imagine it is not so "erotic" and "useful" if it is not used properly and safely.

Nevertheless I would give it a try anyway. I think it would fit to the needs of my wife, because the more I am in this relationship the more I realize that she likes me to endure things for her without having any efforts on her side. So the horse must be very effective, because the wife has not much work with it compared with the resulting discipline effects to the man.

As I wrote there "The Horse" appeared to me on the website of Elise Sutton, but I didn't find the passage anymore, ( it is mentioned also in her book). Now in her Q&A -section of June 2007, right at the second question (here) Elise shows again a link to that passage where a wife named Lee describes the construction and the use of the horse. Please read the Q&A, if you are interested, before using the horse :-).

And anyone who constructed such a thing like the horse or/and then is using it: let me know!

Darling Buds of May Be Submissive

2007-05-06T08:04:00.000-07:00

I am so busy living, there is only time to read blogs and no time to write my own :-)
But for me: writing in English is ...a good exercise. (That's why it takes long to produce short texts)
Recently friends took us to a theater -event of a highschool, where their daughter of 17 was one of the actresses.
The beautiful performance of "A Midsummer Night’s Dream" of Shakespeare left me in deep thinkabouts about the young people who were playing.
The main impression was: the girls ruled the scene (as you assumed).
I'd say even dmoninated the play....
In the play of Shakespeare and in the play of the young people it was obvious: The Female is to be adored, worshiped and the male is there to adore, to worship the female.
What a wonderful piece! Wonderful female energy in the mystic sacred grove with the male's -if not a king or something - a little stupid and dependend.
I was thinking , this maybe was only my humble view of a halfway "fauxsubmissive" 50sth voyeur.
But my wife had a similar impression. She liked the girls and the play. She loved it.
(And thats rare, because she is not into "culture"), but she loves truth to be shown.

This was sensually presented masterpiece in which the young women without any doubt were the more active, more beautiful and the most convincing elements on stage.
There was another aspect which made me think about.

In this play people are -part time- victims of a plant sap which turned the scene upside down. The ones who loved each other before now had to be in love with others and vice versa (to make it short).
So it was obvious, that people love because of certain chemistries in plants, given by Oberon, the king of the fairies.
What else is happening when a female pushes the buttons of a man the right way.
She only has to know how.

And that there are not only simple "Love Me" -buttons but also "Love and Worship Me" -butons or even "Love and Serve Me" - buttons, I'm sure Shakespeare knew very well.

All those elements where there.
They are there for thousands of years. But people forgot in the last 300 Years, didn't they?

Standards

2007-04-29T08:30:00.000-07:00

I read HH' s post (Tuesday, April 24, 2007 Living with Double Standards) in his blog lately about "double Standards" in relationships.

The first time I noticed, there was something "wrong" in my marriage, was when I found there where double standards.
This at least lead me all the way up and down into this lifestyle. More or less. But more and more: more.
I didn't worry; what do we need rules for, when you are only two and in love?
Things would go back to a "normal" standard soon, I thought.

But underneath the blanket a jungle law is prevailing in every marriage/ relationship, isn't it?

Females seem to love the jungle, because it benefits their concern. They don't seem to like "rules", do they?
The double standards maintained in my marriage.
I found, that there were
1. rules anyway, no doubt
2. not the same rules for each of us
3. the rules are not to be discussed, not even to mention, as far as I might dislike them

So -looking back, I had hard times fighting with my 0ld fashioned "fairness".

For example when I was not so well-behaved She liked to criticize and make fun of me, in a say blessing and blaming way.
But don' t you dare to say anything to Her just that way. When She perhaps was not so... "optimal". Woe is me!

There is no use in fighting against those affairs.
Vae victis, woe to the defeated
When I looked around I found it is happening everywhere like that.
It is already there, the FLR!
Not? - wait until they get a little more over 40, then the men tend to give up resistance or escape.
I found it somehow arousing to have this total jungle play. It is just us. And we do what fits.
But in case I did not tend to acting out parts of the male submissve nature, who knows.

I'm still on my way with it. Sometimes I really resist, sometime I have fun with it.
And so to say the pleasure on Her side might be increasing as far as I see now.

Go This Way

2007-04-28T17:33:00.000-07:00

The other night I had dinner with my friend Robert. That's a ritual.
We do it twice a year, just to talk and to enjoy Italian food. We like a good, but not expensive restaurant. Homelike I'd say.
He was complaining again of having no or to rarely sex with his wife. She is a good looking blonde, good shaped. They have three children...
She is cold as ice, he said. Really pissed off he was. He had given up any hope.

I asked what he would like best in his best dreams.
Oral jobs. With her? Of course.

Now I should say he is American.
Seems Americans like this treatment better than intercourse!?
What the heck they love so much about this?
Maybe it is a little different in Europe... who knows.
(What do the Chinese like best... interesting question, about the distinctions)
For myself: That is not my most beautiful dream. I always felt a bit insecure about it... and afraid of loosing my control in the wrong place.

I can understand why some FLR- Ladies call it a nono.

So I liked to test my friend a little bit.
Of course he doesn't know much about the way I am to my wife.

I said I was also having hard times with my wife. But it changed to the good.
That I have tried to make peace with myself and do the best with my possibilities (what we all are supposed to do).
What about being just a gentleman?
Yes, he said, of course you are.
And so are you.
Then I added cautiously: She likes me to go down on her, rather then anything else. (That was not quite it, but I wanted to point it out) When she ever likes to have sex, I act as if I don't expect any reciprocation..... took some time to make that clear to her, to myself.
I said I found this quite amusing. Doing service is better than doing nothing.

He listened.
I think this was interesting to him.
But... No he said ...without release on your side?
Mostly.
His heart was struggling.
Yes ..and always, when she is done, she don't ask me if I wanted to experience any more pleasure in addition this night.
She just don't care...
She just wanted me to cuddle with her and hold her tight until she fell asleep.
It really sounded new for him. Bit weird too, okay but..
he liked hearing the last.
I told him then:
Once the next morning she came along- (still undressed, when I still had my breakfast- I'm early up).
She took a cup of tea, settled down on my knees and asked: Hmm ... did you keep me in your your dreams the whole night, didn't you? I had to assent.
Could happen again like that ....I like that, she said, kissed me and vanished to her bed.

I told him about how it could be great fun to give pleasure to her without ever worrying about my own.
And what, he replied do you do with all your sexual energy- I won't stand that ... no!
Couldn't endure this.

Well, I said, are you doing better with that energy than me?
He was really a bit confused.
But he liked the idea. He liked it. As if he only didn't want to admit so quickly.
In that situation, I added, she calls the shots. Then you just have to obey to her rules and if you are lucky, it will be very lustful again one day, for both of you if you go this way.
That's even more fun, you know, than being finished before anybody is aware of the real beauty of being female and male together.
That imagination he liked very much.
Just be that knight for her.
He liked this too.
I'm sure he really caught something from it.
Later we had a good talk about his wife- and how beautiful she was and about her potentials if only he would let her be herself and him helping her in so many ways.
I hope he will do something with it.
Sometimes I talk about things as if I manage do to it always the right way... But you learn as well by teaching.

See him again one day. I will ask him, what he did. I can tell then....

Sunday

2007-04-22T07:17:00.000-07:00

Two Third Potentials

2007-04-18T02:09:00.000-07:00

I found an interesting post about how it could be of benefit for Her to have a submissive partner here at Saratogas blog. It is the most complete compilation I know. Written very clearly. Great!
In my interviewing of Aradia here on my blog you can find that up to 62 percent of all males have the potential of being submissive to a woman. As far as I remember Elise Sutton is mentioning even a higher score. And Lady Misato is too. So some of us are just a bit closer to an inner world, is that true? Becky whose blog unfortunately vanished wrote: "How they handle this realization is what makes them different. Some men accept this and lovingly yield to women.
These are the strongest men in my opinion because they are the most honest ones with their feelings." That was a statement I found interesting, so I saved this citation for me.
There are as well tests to find out how a man is wired, Aradia stated.
There are of course still enough open questions on the other end of the riding crop.
As I understand Saratoga not all women like to be dominant and nor ever being kinky. You'd better change your partner then if the subject is important for you. If you like; due to all aspects of your relationship. Many are wavering around with those questions.
On the other side Ms. Sutton believes that women can be "seduced" by
men to act more or less "dominant".
This leads me to the ask : "how far her dominance goes". But that's not so logical because dominant is dominant and if She is dominant the way SHE likes, than it might be quite different from the way her submissive partner was aiming at but she is still dominant.
Wonderful!
Well, I think it is also the way things are advertised to Her, so that one reaction could be a definitive "no" .... as meant forever and another could be a "no", what can be understood as a halfway "yes, I'd try this lifestyle if you only let me do it my way". You are lucky than, but not even halfway through with your concern.
It's obviously rare for a partner to hearing : "Oh yes, I always wanted to boss you around..., go get a rope".
May be it is a matter of the approach. I don't know if that will be enough.. There are some ways of "how to approach" to find in the net. For example here at Lady Julia's blog, or others you can find there too.
But if there are so many (male) potentials, why not arrange a school for Ladies to instruct them how to get comfortable with ways of being dominant to males in order to make the best out of 62 or more percent of all the males in order to make the world a little better, - assuming this would be the case.
Or even much better? Wouldn't this be great?

Aradia Asked

2007-04-13T03:04:00.000-07:00

Aradia interviewt me. Here she is:

Dear faninho,

I finally have your 5 questions. Here they are:

1. If you have any BDSM fantasies, and you were given the option of actually fulfilling your darkest one, would you go through with it? Why or why not?

I would. Difficult to find the darkest one, but I‘d go through it, as far as it goes along with my fantasy - including an unscathed survival and with Her staying with me afterwards, if I'd choose the one with the cuckolding... ...Oh heck!!
It's not about erasing my fantasies through realisation, but I'm not experienced enough with reality in this concern!
All of "us" want to live their fantasies, when a good opportunity is given, which is rare. What are we living for? Gaining a black eye? What have I to loose? A Fantasy? Surely, but there might be another one, of that I‘m sure too! And there is always so much to learn about myself.

2. Imagine if you will, that you are in an "adult toy store" being led around by your Wife on a leash in front of all the other P/patrons. She leads you back to the section where BDSM equipment is sold, and asks the sales person if She can try out Her potential purchases on you first. What would your reaction be, and why?

Would be typical for Her! I'd let her do as she liked.
If I would resist She would not let me disgracing Her that way and openly humiliate me of being halfhearted.
That would be the worst for me.
So She got all the power.
Because I was already leashed by Her, I would be anyway in such a „submissive zone“ that I‘d have no choice but meekly if not enthralled dedicate myself to her product testing. The results be at least to my benefit.

If She would -as far as I know Her - go behind a curtain into a cabin with me, she would leave it up to me if my further reactions will be heard in the whole store or not... and if they will to be seen when she's coming out with me from there...me with a red face, sweating, tears in my eyes... who knows! As She always acts economical, She would not spare the material before deciding to purchasing it :)

Would She hug and kiss me afterwards when I did a good job? Possibly.
That would be the best then and I'd be proud ...

3. If you had the choice to be anywhere, other that where your are right now, where would you be? Please give details on your choice.

Venice. La Serinissima. The Female of the Italien Cities. The Great Piazza. Campari with Her. We just came out of the ........- Hotel. Like we did years ago. The first time we tried the "Lady comes first"- way in addition with the denying the male ...like that. Was it her idea? Now sitting there. Her legs are nonchalantly crossed . Just an elegant dress. Her wonderful thighs. Her cleavage. 10:PM . We are in love. Could do anything for her. I am so eager watching Her. She accepts. Tickles my crotch under the small table, with her bare toe, despite all the people around. She loves to see me go a little nervy. Laughing together.
Feeling the trails of her nails on my body, smelling her fragrance- .
Warm air. Warm stones underneath our feet on (except the one of hers). The smell. This is Venice to me and so much more. Just love this place which is a stage all the time. A stage which invites you to show up who you are in unconditional love. Like in a fairytale. Walking around there makes me always a bit more proud of being a human being

4. "To go where no man has gone before." Where would that be for you, and why?

On the mars? To the very deepest submission? To an answer of this question? To pass away without any fear?
Maybe no man has really been before in total understanding and love with the other(s).

5. You win a windfall of money... what would be the first three things you would do with it?

Definitively ask my wife and share it with Her in a partitioning of Her choice.
If something is left from Number 1. for me, what I hope, I‘ll -care about the house, the holidays, the wellness -all with limits (except the Ferrari LOL) ... and what it takes to prepare a place for love and understanding ..to than:
find out what I can do to make the world a little better (a try, but...) This process will take some time and needs intuition, but I will succeed soon- because submission means to me to surrender to the pleasure of life; to increase it a bit outside of myself as well.
Just projecting wellfare for others, who need it.

Linkin' skills

2007-04-12T08:08:00.000-07:00

Due to my skills in layouting my beautiful blog I found out that the beauty must be more of an inner quality as coming from the outfit. Trying to install a "sitemeter" (idea of Susan -went -away ?) I lost my linking- list of "blogs I read" in... translation. But most of the writers I like you may find from time to time in my comments... (good to have..).
Maybe I 'll manage soon to repair....but not today.

Happy Easter

2007-04-07T05:07:00.000-07:00

It is Easter Saturday - one of my favorites days in the year. Driving my old Mercedes -(we only got old cars) I wish I could play piano and sing at the same time like Bruce Hornsby in "That's just the way it is" - one of my favorite songs anyway. It appeared on the radio while I was around somewhere in the Swiss alps and I thought: I like it the way it is. I am not living tomorrow. The problems we have with each other, especially the ones we have with our spouses, are there to motivate you to learning something about ourselves- and not always to find an answer that erases the question. Leave the question a bit. Questions are -once in a while- worth for themselves, aren't they?
Not so the interview questions I read in the blog- neighborhood recently.
It's wonderful to get an image of people you don't know in reality or which you know only by bloging. Isn't that fun?

Lady Julia Asked

2007-03-31T01:24:00.001-07:00

Lady Julia gave me 5 Questions , see:

she said...

faninho :) I'm happy to interview you. Let's see...

1) It's a beautiful spring day. You can do anything you would like to do with one restriction, you cannot spend any money. How would you spend your day?

What a question...Beautiful.
I 'll have all the time to please my Lady. Up and down. (Of course I'll be a good boy and ask her before what she likes best).

So: get up at 9, dress in a way she likes me to: just jeans and stripped to the waist; then bring her tea and two toasts the way she loves it.
I‘d kissed her gently on the forhead.

Then let her sleep again a little further as she likes this most, despite the toasts are getting cold. She likes things (and persons) waiting for her.
I like to be they waiter today. She loves it.
She‘d like the smell oft the toast ...and take another nap.

I meanwhile would clean up the kitchen, (the kids are at not at home) and the bathroom, take a shower and go like that in her bedroom again.
I carefully would give her a wake- up foot massage. She would want more and when I reach her thighs, her tighs..!, I would be so excited that I could‘nt resist of asking her of going down on her -iif that would be a fine idea. It's a question without words. I know she would reject me, but you never know and today she makes an exception and she lets me ... What a lucky day!
Spring -air comes through the open window.
After a while she‘d say: „I like to be your wife and even more I like you to be my husband.... never forget this even if you miss something“
Like in a good movie.
An hour later she's had a bath of luxury with me sitting on the side and telling her the news of our business which we run togehter. Or whatever she likes. I help to decide what to wear..(see Q#3). Later than we go by feet (no money!) to a nice lake wich is not far from our house. The water is still to cold, but we are lying in the grass. She wants me to totally undress... "Do you dare..? With me dressed? I think there is nobody around...."
She knows I'm shy but I do as suggested.
And because it is obviously indeed nobody there she askes me, if I would be too submissive to „rape“ her a little bit ...
now and here. I'd say "no" and would do so.. ..

2) Think back to when you very first recognized that you were drawn to female domination. Did anything in particular happen to lead you to this or to help you recognize you felt this way, or was it more gradual awakening?

Since I was a boy I always was in great awe with women.
Despite of this and in addition I had kinky fantasies.

So I focussed on women and tried to forget about the kinks.
That worked for a while.

It changed later when I got to know my wife, with whom I experienced
some hot times in different ways.
I could not realIy tell her and to myself what I was up to ..
I found then many things in the net which led me to the term "Loving female authority" . This helped me so much to find out who I was and what I wanted!!

Those ideas did change my life! I then focused more on my wife‘s needs and to women in general.
My wife: she became sexually, spiritually (again) the focus of my world- a husband should have it like that.
I tried to direct my desires in a way she could deal with; and this was more or less: trying to please her, live up to her expectations...serve her (without her noticing this to much) So the two kinds of craving came somehow together while I was serving this woman, who drew out my attention so much to female domination- without yet embracing it herself.
But on the other side of the coin she is growing slightly dominant.

3) If you could pick out your wife's clothing for one evening, an evening spent at home with only you, what would you choose for her to wear?

She owns a kind of Jil Sander- style dress. That is „simple elegant“; grey with a touch of olive and it is like a big open men's-shirt with a firm fabric. It has just a big button facing from the top down to her thighs. Arms half to the elbow. No decollete. She creates the decollete by leaving the first three buttons open.. or more. The same appears at the other end. It depends on her mood if she lets open how many ? buttons, and chances are good that you get a glimpse of her noble breasts as well as of her shiny thighs. There is nothing like that ... You don‘t have to ask how much I adore her style. She doesn't need more. No stockings , no boots, just flat shoes...and her bare feet. Underneath? A simple white tight bra and a french cut pantie (when this is the one with the highly shaped legs??) would fit.

4) You've been given 10,000 euros with the proviso that you do something totally decadent. What do you do?

I‘ll take the money to organize a „Leashed Walk Around“ - it goes like that: Companies for beauty, style, journalism, TV, underwear, cars etc. are allowed to advertise and therefore to pay to any participating women let's say 100euros.
She has to bring along one (or more) man /men of her choice at a collar and a leash, dressed after her decision (with limits, so that children can watch this as well)
They meet in the middle of Berlin and walk through the famous portal of the „Brandenburg Tor“ down the alley and demonstrate for the control of men‘s power through women. I'll serve champagne to the girls and ladies, leashed by my wife as well.

5) Imagine that your wife has fully embraced the dominant role in your relationship. She has so completely embraced it that your home has a fully equipped dungeon. In your fantasy of fantasies, what does she reach for first?

Fantasy, OK!
As SHE likes to minimize efforts, she would let me ride „The Horse“. Which I was to construct for us of course.
I was very impressed, when I first read about this. The device was described by a female reader (Ms Lee) on the website of Elise Sutton (and in her book „Female Domination“):
„In it's simplest form, the "horse" is basically a sturdy saw horse with a pointed cross beam“
The beam is positioned a little to high for me to ride on it with both feet flat on the floor.
She would simply have me standing naked with spread legs on the wooden board „with my organs resting on it“. My wife would fasten my hands behind my neck or even better connected to a rope hanging from the ceiling.
So her part would be done.
She would leave some suggestions in my ear to think about how to improve my performance as a her husband.
She‘d give me a good time for myself to think about her words while the situation would become more and more uncomfortable for me with time, so that I had to move from one side to another -until at least I would be "properly riding" the horse.
She is coming back soon, kissing me softly while I am enduring this painful ride and she then beginning to ask me tenderly all the questions which I normally liked to avoid giving answers. I couldn't sidestep a bit, to be taken literally. She tells me that she is totally convinced that my reactions and answers now given in this state of „slight discomfort“ will represent my truth.
It is yet not real pain, (she says...), but this could perhaps follow later... If I would not be honest, she would leave me on the horse. Then she would do some phone calls first - I would hear her then talk in the hall - maybe with her sister, which can take ages..... Her sister is a very conservative and beautiful lady, who likes to hear my voice too for a moment. My wife would come with the telephone and hold it to my face and her sister would ask me how I was of course.... There are many other options to think about what could happened while I am in this position and action while my wife would not have to do anything.
So it depends on my answers and my openness to my wonderful wife, my cheerful expression of love and devotion to her, if and when she will be ready to let me off the horse again.

She is also convinced of me being much more skillful after such a ride, when I then am to please her...in many ways. That's -and saving effort on her side- is another reason for her to reach out for the horse first.

Thank you for interviewing me Lady Julia!

Small Talk

2007-03-27T00:50:00.000-07:00

SHE:"...and you are sure, you don't want to...?"
He : "No, I said I don't have to. I like to please you "
SHE: "Yes, so you don't have to now, I think. You can have it later ...is that possible?"
He : "it is possible, you don't like me to have it?"
She: "No...of course I do. But today I like that you don't have it now...because I think you like that I say you don't have it now...is that right or not?"
He : "uhm..yes.. in a way that's correct. I find it arousing"
SHE: "Thats what I mean. But let's stop talking... I want you to...you know like last time.. you know what I mean."
He : "Go down on you."
SHE: ".. don't name it, honey, just do something... like that"
He : "okay"
SHE: "until I say stopp.."
He : "- - - "
SHE: "--"
He : "okay"
SHE: "no, you don't have to think you always have to be too slowly..."
He : "okay"
SHE: "Why don't you do it more often like that, when you know I like it so much..!"
He : "-- ??? I thought you don't like to have sex ...... hm...too often..."
SHE: "Thats not really sex....is it? And it is not too often...right?"
He : "I'd love to do it more often for you."
SHE: "Then do it more often....now!"
He : "okay...."
SHE: " and it is not only for me...it is for you too"
He : "yes"
SHE: "so hold on..."

With Springtime

2007-03-21T05:00:00.000-07:00

Due to the changes in my life and realizing that I am more or less submissive to my wife I recognize changing in my behavier.

Earlier I used to complain that I was not lucky in my marriage. I always missed something. Let's call it (loving) female energy. And sex wasn't satisying and happend only from time to time, rarely.

SHE said once that the males would loose the need for sex and for the female with age. That was without regret.
(As if she waited for my sexual energy to vanish.)
But the opposite is the case. It is increasing in a way. I need the female energy more than ever.
I adore the female more than I did when I was young
But I need sex more as a close-to-her-feeling than as a relief (in a female body on a everyday basis).

Missing that the fantasy of being "her slave" or beeing "her knight" (which I prefer) -you name it- helps a bit to endure the all-day "nothing.."
I 'm not asking for what I need or what I desire instead I try to please her.

So this winter I was doing anything that she wanted and demanded- and that is sometimes a pleasure for me, but sometimes really not-.

Am I closer to her now? Do I have a little more of what I like?

Perhaps in the sense of not having so much trouble
and not arguing with her.
She really becomes more stern with me. Does not ask anymore - it is more like "you do please the vacuuming now...." etc.
No charming way. No Misato- way, if you know what I mean.
(It might have to do with her hormonal changes. She will be 50 next year.)

So that's exactly like submissive boys want to be treated. Isn't it?
But I'm not sure if that is what I want. In a way it is not nice and in the other way it's just half way, but difficult to push further.
The days are running by, and as "the slave's job is never done" I am getting a bit tired in my position because nothing of all the stuff I am looking for is happening, even if I really don't "want to expect" it.

I know it is difficult. And so it seems for many of you hubbies out there too- as I can read often in the blogs.
Just having dreams. Little steps in reality.

We don't eaven have the time to talk. For her to tell me what she is missing. Time for me to say what I miss. The time of going to bed mostly differs 2 hours - and the wake-up times do as well - we have rare opportunities of "coming togehter".

Do women have no need for being close togehter with their men?
Earlier she used to say, when I was asking for sex "too often", she sometimes liked just cuddling.
So I did!! But there is no cuddling at all, even when I don't mention (with words and body) sex and forget about sex (if that would be possible).
It is just boring. That's what I'm feeling these days.

I need to go ahead further.... it's spingtime.

Dogs, Chastity Devices and Fluids

2007-01-29T05:04:00.000-08:00

There is a saying that men are similar to dogs, women to cats. That makes sense in a way. When I consider my behavior concerning sex it seems not too far...
Especially when it comes to the submissive part of the game.
When I get down on HER there is not a big difference to what dogs do and like.
Then I am would be the dog and SHE is would be the cat..

We had a female dog in our garden years ago and another male dog in the garden of our neighbor. What she did was: she educated him in that way: she stood with her behind at the fence (whenever she wanted) and let him lick through the fence her best parts. They both loved it a lot and it took always a long time (i.e. half an hour and more).

The fence was so to say a good chastity device. Our female dog hated penetration.... Before she never would let lick some other dog her behind, but now, when she could be "safe" and totally decide when and how long... she used the opportunity very often. It was really fun to see for us.

Yes and somewhere I read that there are hormones in the vagina fluids, when it is pleased which increase submission of the male, who is licking from it... I forgot where I read this.
Does anybody know where I can find something about the subject?
Well I can say, there is something in it which increases addiction on my part.

Terms of Fled...

2007-01-28T10:21:00.000-08:00

About new terms for a FLR. FLM. FL...
What about "Flarriage"- as a female led marriage...?
Or:
What about "Fledlock"?
Would be for female -led- wedlock. Locked by a female, by her leading. Great.

"How was your fledlock -ceremony?"

"Oh fine, I feel great being fledlocked".
Not bad! What do you think?

Love to you all fledlocked -no, not ledflocked,....- couples from
faninho -locked, say fledlocked

Superior

2007-01-28T05:29:00.000-08:00

Are they superior?
The answer could be
a. I think they are , but they aren't.
b. They are
c. They are equal i.e. men aren't either superior of course.

Who knows? Only the females?
In my situation: I think it's - say- here yes, there no.
When you wan't to know who is better in managing- a man, a family, an institution with people, politics... then the answer is: yes women seem to be better in it...superior.
Sexually etc., of course.

So what the heck are men good for? If not helping a woman, serving a woman. Give her protect, advice, power. Could there be something more beautiful for us?
So what should education, school should teach young boys?
Besides to be strong, to be better than others, okay, good sport?
In the first line: respect and protect and support women. Submit, surrender.
What about obeying?

Because it could be that women just right now are to climb up the next step of evolution. That's from men (mankind) to women (kind)? Isn't it already to be seen anywhere?
I don't want to be the last one to notice.
I want to be with them. Like to join. Be part of the future.
It's not about loosing something - erotically, sexually etc.
It's about being a man in a new dimension.
Gain more life- power in my relationship of a kind I didn't expect ever before.

Submit to ....

2007-01-12T01:24:00.000-08:00

My first wife in this sense (we were not actually married) didn't notice anything of my submissive side. I was more of a macho. I had submissive fantasies from time to time, but they were not directed to her.
The relationship was a bit boring after a while for some reasons.

I believe submissiveness is more or less inside the nature of any man. It comes out and it increases by biography, by age and by certain circumstances like meeting a woman of a particular kind.

Some women seem to touch the submissive side inside her man more than others.
Once a woman has found out how that works for her she starts to like it and to use this power -without any "FLR"- elements.
That's normal and it is the matter of fact when we can say "this is a good marriage", especially when couples are aging. The more when it comes to a more or less FLR- marriage.

My second wife now has just this attribute which fits: she stirs my nature that way and so I am submissive to her and it is becoming exactly the way she likes it.
I felt her power right at the beginning when we dated.
It's been very attracting to me- and to her too. But I didn't know where that came from. It took me some time until I could direct my feelings of that quality to my wife. I ow this to researches in the net. So Elise Sutton wrote in her "How To Introduce Your Wife..." things like "..if you are a submissive male who is married or in a serious relationship with a woman, you need to search no further for your Dominatrix. She is right in front of you."
This touched me tremendously.
But nevertheless it has to be the woman you love and you are attracted to.

Our friends now envy HER for having such a husband and call us a very good couple.
My first wife comments that sometimes with a bitter taste.
But this dynamic would not have worked with her, nor would it today, because she is still the same and I could not feel submissive to her.

In my opinion it takes two. That's the best.

In The Bathtub

2007-01-08T02:00:00.001-08:00

I read a beautiful story recently from Subservire's blog where she peed on him.
It reminded me of a scene which I experienced with my wife, when we were sitting in the bath together years ago.
It was quite for a while and we talked a lot and were playing a bit with our bodies, so from time to time I had a hard on. Suddenly she got up saying she had to pee now.
I said she wouldn’t have to leave the bath for doing that, she could do it just right there.
She laughed- already standing highly above me- „just like that, right from here like a male...?“ she asked and added „ I do it now ..on you!“

She expected me to struggle against her or flee.
But I said... „sure you can".
As I knew her very well I expected that she would call me crazy and leave the situation. But she did not- not yet- she pushed her hips forward, having her feet on each side of my body, looked down on me with a smile then looked to her crotch and let some urine out just strong and far enough to reach with the beam for a couple of seconds my chest and my hard-on.

As I obviously seemed to like it very much she stopped peeing and went out of the bathtub.
While she was sitting on the toilet she cooled down and said that I would be a little kinky like that –she wouldn’t like to go more into that. Better prefer to use the toilet.

She didn’t have the fun she intended – with me jumping disgusted out of the bath -say pissed off - and grumbling at her for her being so barefaced.
That’s what she’d like I think.
Instead I acted a little weired in her eyes while enjoying her peeing on me.
We both didn’t not realize the potentials of inherent intimacy in this ongoing neither my surrender to her female power over me.

But there is something in it that she would like, as I know now.
Being comfortable. Confront me with her body and her excretions- She likes to be on the toilet when I am in the room.
But she don't like me to more than accept this.
And eagerly adoring her.
She's special and I learned to respect her, and I'm special too.
But the story makes me think about again going a more into this. -without pushing. How will that go?

As we still go bathing together it is a good idea to bring it up again.
Perhaps I can start with just letting her pee while she is lying.
She might like it like that, but she didn’t do it with me inside (the bathtub)- or did she already, without me knowing it? Anyway she won't with her sense for parity, because she never would like to have it the other way round .
But it could be possible without me knowing. Yes.. That is fun!

Hugs

2006-12-14T08:23:00.000-08:00

She was very pleased by my "work" between her thighs. Impressed. Her face was red and her hair was moist. But as soon as she "awoke", she lifted me up and wanted to have me at her side. Wanted to have me almost equally situated. Having me down there is not comfortable for her- only for those moments of excitement and more or less without notifying.
I loved it very much that way. I once read that the female flavors and fluids in that area make a man more submissive to this woman.
Anyway may be she is afraid of her own power over me.
Maybe I'm still sometimes acting too "addicted" or delivered, when I'm worshiping her in this position. She then liked me to hug her, hold her and protect her with my arms.

And because I really like to be the one she needs I am that: the one who holds and protects her. That is the way things go. If I would act too submissive it would mean "weak" to her- as if she had to protect me in a situation. But this was at this moment not the case.

She wanted to be sure that I was her man in this vanilla -way too, so she directed me in to a upper position for a vanilla act.
You would not call me so much of a "slave" then of course in that postion.
It was more of that knight that night... but it was for sure that she called the shots and that's why I loved it most notably anyway.

Come and go

2006-12-14T03:40:00.000-08:00

Blogs come and go. What a pleasure it is to read on a regularly basis from people you like and about things to learn.
You get used to them. I regret when one vanishes.
I am not so much a censor especially about compliance to a topic or a tag.
I am not interested whether you are a real one concerning a selected lifestyle or not. Poetry occurs at the borders of topics. Real life will be noticed consciously only when you touch the edges. So I appreciate to read not only about things / personalities similar to me but also about what totally differs. This is important because you get stupid when you try to walk on a thin line. If somebody doesn't find it worth writing why does he find it is worth reading so far and in addition find it worth writing against it.

But no blog is forever. How long will this one live? Here is a new one:
Recently I found a comment on helpmate hubbies blog from an Australian who's blog I liked too: http://subservire.blogspot.com/
I find the story is thrilling for anybody who would like to have a FLR. He dares a lot opening up to his wife -took the bad moment- and seemed to blow it all. But then....
Read yourself! He is very encouraging for so many men I think. I am curious how things will proceed.
(and meanwhile will continue my on story...)

Fireside

2006-12-13T08:51:00.000-08:00

The day after the cleaning session in the douche was wonderful. Because she seemed to think she had done enough for me I had to do what ever she liked- as that is always the best for me to do.
So the day was nice.
In the late afternoon we went into the sauna which normally works a bit of a down sizer for my sexual needs.
For her it seemed to be the opposite (but she is not going very often)
When we were all clean and dry and in our bathrobes we had some bred and cheese together with much water and a little white wine in front of the fire.
She did not refuse me massaging her calves, then her feet. I then went up to her thighs which are my favorite parts of her body and I adore them so much using my lips. Hence I was in heaven and conspicuously excited while she was sitting leaned back watching the small TV in the corner.

From time to time she gave short comments about what she perceived from there- I don‘t remember what it all was.
I know that she is not so fond of being orally served because mostly she thinks she would not be clean enough. Secondly, she always wants to be fair and she would not yearn for reciprocating an oral act.
Since I know more about the submissive nature within men I don‘t like this either.
I am afraid of polluting a beautiful face in the wrong moment .... its nothing for HER anymore.

Thirdly she is not very often content with me going down on her because of some catholic education influence. Normally she seems elevated over this with her head but not always in her crotch.
There has been also another reason why she never liked it so much but I talk about that later.
The catholic thing is like a good wall.
You can not do much about it.
When -sometimes- the wall breaks down you have any more than you would have without that wall.
In this moment I knew she had done her part already in the morning - so I felt free to let my tongue do the best to find the way to her.
It found a good way and was not rejected.

It has not been very often that she had unleashed herself so much outside a protected bedroom. She was sitting back on the couch in the wide room with large windows to the huge garden. It was already dark and we only had the candles on. And we had a fire so anybody could look inside. But this was the space where she distinctly liked to be watched and heard and worshiped. Or else She would have said something.
And she acted like that.
This time again she ignored my sexuality. But this time I was more than lucky with it.
I think there was nobody but us. I had seen some young people out there roaming around in that area in the afternoon.
They would do what I would have done in that age. And I would have been lucky seeing a scene like that somewhere...
I would have learned more quickly a good lesson about some good rules: that she comes first and also sometimes is the only one to come.
And that a man can be very happy by being with her.
In addition how loudly women can shout - if they like.

That evening was not quite finished after this.
I'll continue.

Seaside

2006-12-10T05:42:00.000-08:00

We had a short holiday recently.
The doctor had said to my wife that she would be better off with her breathing and nose when she would have a fortnight at the seaside.
So I let anything down in our business and went with her to a nice place in France where the winds blow and the rains fall at high tide of the big ocean. End of November , beginning of december.
We found a nice house with a chimney and a home sauna within. That is not expensive now. We were alone. No computer and a minimum of telephone.
This is an environment where men develop an extra sexual drive level.
Of course I hoped to have more time together in bed with my wife.
And we had.
I was nice to snuggle with her. It has been long time. It was wonderful to feel the very warmth of her female energy, hmm... while we heard the ghosts of the wild sea and the storm whispering outside around us. Beautiful.
So I couldn't hide my extra sexual drive level though I felt it was not apropiate for her.
What she is doing in those cases is that she is ignoring my desire.
I hate to be ignored in this way.
I would really like more her to say: "I know what you want my love, but due to my mood I‘m not going to let you have it with me right now. Please be patient."

She didn‘t say something. And my experience is, that I am not even allowed to ask.

But from time to time I believe it is my exercise to talk about my feelings and what is bothering me. So she would never say....hu... I never knew you just wanted sex. If I only knew.

Okay. Just let her know and make it conscious without any demanding. Must be possible. But is difficult.
I said that evening I had been expecting something like a play during those retiring days at the sea. I was not talking about release. I love the play itself.
She is not very communicative in that department and so she answered something blaming about my being impatient and that the chances to get what I was requiring would be even worsened by that.
So she turned it like she was wanting to perform something nice with her husband but her husband disturbed that by being so impatiently.
She asked me why I would always have to talk about the same subject.
That was really something!
It has been years that I have been mentioning our sexual relationship.

I could hardly believe that she was serious. A typical situation for us I found!
That night the cuddling was canceled.

The next morning there was no cuddling either. She was up unusual early in her dressing gown and vanished into the kitchen.

I was in the shower, when she came along, opened the shower curtain and gave me a kiss. I turned the shower aside so I would not wet her nice velvet dressing gown.
The kiss continued a little. My response showed up immediately without any doubt.
She stepped back, looked down at me and then took the shower head off my hand and started to shower my entire body carefully.
„Hands up“ she commanded and „don‘t you do any move!“
I followed her and „fixed“ my hands above at the shower handle.
So it felt like a captivation.
Finally she switched the valve increasing the amount of warm water and kept the beam pointing on the sensible areas of my hard-on.
She wiggled the spurt so it became even more arousing for me.
I really did not intend to accept any substitute instead of the experiences which I craved with her.
But she gave me no chance.
While I was still puzzling over if this was a benefit that she gave me, or if it was meant as a punishment I really got problems to resist my sexual surrender.
Especially the thought of a „punishment“ drove me over the edge.
Hardly a minute passed and I was done with what I was obviously supposed to perform.
Meanwhile she was smiling defiant at me continuing to hold the jet towards my hard-on at last to prevent my seed from spreading to far.
So this became painful for me, my body contracted and I turned aside while she said: „Is it that what you needed? Please clean it all up and take care that no one following you up in the douche gets pregnant from you.“
She laughed, gave me a second quick kiss without noticing what had happened and handled me my shower head back.
She turned and went to the kitchen from where I could soon smell the white breads in the toaster. And the coffee.

Postulations

2006-11-18T15:15:00.001-08:00

when I observe one change in my marriage two or three years ago I remember one night when I discovered a new readyness in considering HER demands. It was the night when she talked about our daily life and that she had actually to many tasks and work. So she demanded - or better said "postulated" more of a help from my side in several ways. It was no complaining in it, but she did not ask or plead.

I recognized that there was a new tone. My heart was touched with mixed emotions.
First I wanted to flee and reject any commands in this way. It was like "nobody is allowed to give me orders".
Second I suddenly felt a certain deep excitement, a new thrill in her behavier,
as if I felt my entire personality had now to be committed to her. With this little scene I caught a glimpse of our new role -potential in our marriage.
What about simply obey her and surrender to HER will?
It happened regardless of the fact that she would have been totally right when only she would have asked me to help her.
But she did not ask.
She postulated (from) me.
She said that she wanted me to do this and that in the future- like doing the cooking for the kids a bit more often and other things.

It was the first time that she put it this way.
Because she had the natural right to give commands to me like that.
It already became inherent in our relationship. I took the second opportunity of my two possible reactions -by chance and asked what I could do for her. I kept this in mind when it turned out to be difficult for me sometimes.
And happily it worked for me.
SHE likes now from time to time request things far more sternly from me. It works for her better as well.

Just Love

2006-11-15T01:00:00.000-08:00

Time goes by so quick when it comes down to November. I don't know why these days vanish so much faster than they did in August.

I am more of the taker than a giver concerning those blogs I like to read.
I beg your pardon, when I read much more blogs than you will notice. It is also so, that I am not so good with my English, as you already might have noticed and it takes me some time to express the more complicated thoughts.
So I try to think simple and be able to write about it. It is a good training. It makes me feel more clear.

Some of my favorite bloggs pointed to another blog called (swtp- she does not like to be mentioned anymore)- just when S. wrote her "final thoughts". I am happy that those words didn't mean that S. has closed her blog yet. But she will. Today I read about the butterfly and her husband and I liked it.

There is an interesting part in S.'s writing, that lets me ask another question: is it true that it is only love which makes a woman explore the submissve nature of her mate?

In her latest (November) Q&A Elise Sutton talks about the submissive nature of any man (more or less developed through his specific biography) . So isn't it the flip side of a couple that the true nature of any woman is to be dominant? Not only because she loves him so much, but (also) because she IS like that if- only the "female power is unleashed"?

Well every womn is different and every couple too. With men I'm not so sure. With men it's more the question of how much (sex, submission), rather than how they are.

Some women are dominant by nature others are giving a sacrifice to her husband, when they dominate him. The sacrifice is not so much that beeing in charge, it is the dealing with those kinky- aspects. Those turn the relationship to a D/s - one, make a kind of play out of it and enhance the skill of service of men extraordinary.

What I really like is what S. said about those wishes "in the draw"...compared with the always heard: "don't dream your life... live your dream".

I like to have something in the draw. Not only because I am to shy to show up anything what's in my head. I don't want HER to put some parts of her camelot in her draw again, only because I'm in a hurry with mine to take them out.
That makes me turn the fantasies into a reality of love and loving submission to my wife.
One day I am good at it and the other day not. One day my wife is kind of a natural egoist (like Helpmate Hubby's wife seemed last Saturday- forgive me hh!) and another day she wants to be the girl protected by her man ... the one with "that gentle heart and that warm laugh" (Sue) - as I can see myself on rare oportunities... and the next time she has more or less of that loving, caring attitude.

It is the living with so many forms of it and thinking about all those aspects- also the hidden ones in the draw, what keeps me alife and makes life pleasurable for me. Keeps me on my way of learning what that is: Just love.

Cognitive Dissonance

2006-10-09T01:33:00.000-07:00

I am sometimes to fast building up my opinion. The internet is like walking in a fog from time to time. If I feel too insecure on my way, I hurry up to make a judgement of my surrounding before I have gathered enough information about it.
Especially when I get different and opposing perceptions.
But I need information and then I need to look at my heart.
My impressions will be guided by my eyes, my ears - my nose (not so much in the internet, right?) and the feelings in and outside of my body, they will be interpreted (and thats the point) by my fears, my needs, my desires... so it is not difficult to get confused and so I have to ask at least my heart. My heart is vulnerable and it is not always easy for me to notice what my feels.
There will always maintain a risk.
When I don´t feel my heart I could easily convince myself of the contrary and then I know so many arguments. Then I appriciate the opinions of others (and have to check my heart again). I like to learn.
So why I write about this is?Because I find it fits to a submissive man to be prepared to work with cognitive dissonance because there is the female and there is me and I am to make a decission in the sense which is good for her and us. If she likes it like that.

Does anybody know...

2006-10-06T00:30:00.000-07:00

Does anybody know...

where Candace has gone? What happenend to her blog? I really miss her posts.... When someone disappears like that it leaves a feeling of ...sadness.... but we are at least in a very "unpersonal" space around here.
I liked to read Saratoga´s Post concerning the vanishing of that blog. Think he could be right... It would be nice and polite when she could send to some of "us" a goodbye with an explanation... Not?

Not always

2006-09-27T07:27:00.000-07:00

I´m not always feeling like "submissive". Au contraire; sometimes I´m feeling like the independent boy I ever was. (And I know SHE likes me like that...) Sometimes I´m not into the daydream world of subjugation - under my desires - under a loving female authority of my choice. I have several sides...why not?
But You could make me..., if You are female and if you only knew the spell and how to wave the magic wand. Then I would be submitted (forced to be, but by my own choice) to You, to Your beauty and Your energy of a woman. And I would work for You, fight for you, endure for You whatever it takes and make Your dreams come a little bit more true.
Because that will be my dream then too. Isn´t that wonderful?
But not all of You know that. Or not sufficiently enough?

Isn´t it absurd to demand beeing in service to somebody? Why do I feel ashamed for asking Her, to be allowed to kneel before Her and kiss Her feet? To dry the drops of water from Her legs when she leaves the bathtube- with my lips? (Well actually I do that without feeling ashamed) To be lucky by just getting down on Her and go to sleep when she is finished.
Why would not She -herself- be the one who asks for her husband´s service -with the chores, in bed und what ever else.
Because normaly he does already ...it is already the case anyway. Without words, without knowing it, the two of the couple are more and more doing what SHE says, but they would not consider it as a submission from one to the other.
It is becoming -meanwhile- "vanilla- standart". Times have changed a lot. But it is not enough.

When things should go more efficiently she would choose (and he would anyway) a a bit more of D/s? Would that be more efficiently?
Women seem to be afraid at first of their husbands submission, before they have used it. They like to reject a submissive husband (and that is why he doesn´t show up his desire), because they like to have a "strong" hubby. But I never heard of a wife rejecting it, when she already once tasted the benefits for her
given through "true" submission. As there is said in some of my favorite blogs concerning the FLA- there are stron submissives too. You only have to ask or have Your eyes open, when they kind of show up.
That´s what I would do, if I where a woman.
So I would use the spell and turn the nonsubmissive male to a very submissive one. I wonder if it would work for say 90% of all men in the western world, who are interested in women at all....

Coupe Danmark

2006-09-05T05:38:00.000-07:00

It left me thinking and dreaming in front of my iMac... and later in bed beside my wife:
Lady Julia´s post about "Hypnotic Fantasies" yesterday. There is a fantasie I have sometimes and I like to share.
I call it Coupe Danmark- (vanilla icecream with hot chocolate sauce). Here it goes:
SHE coming from behind and turning my head to her, kisses me warm and tenderly, I feel her lips on my lips. I smell her bouquet. I am longing for more. My hand clasps softly her waist and gives me a smooth impression of her skin. I want to be near to her.
She coming from both sides cuts the nails of her thumbs and middle fingers into my nipples while kissing me even more intensly. Here tongue penetrates me.
Then her hands go down and squeeze me and pull down what there is to be pulled down.
Comfort and discomfort, approach and rejection are competing. I´m at once in my deepest submissive space.... She can have now anything from me...

What is FLR for me?

2006-08-31T06:13:00.000-07:00

FLR or LFA.. it is not so important how you call it.
SHE is in charge and she decides what the man has to do and even what kind of a man he presents for her. (Yes, I changed to the better..., a little.)
He is to obey. What happened if he is doing right and what when he is not doing right- it is up to her.

The essence of FLR may not be frightening to a adult woman at all.
But it has to do with a very intense desire of many men. That makes it a little suspicious. Of course there are roots in the childhood. Mother coins both, nop question. But from mother- beeing the whole world to many details ofthe world is a longh journey. And the wife you choose may taste at least different from your mother and that is because of the sexual feeling wich are grown up now.

FLR does -not- have to mean beeing passive for the man at all.
And it is not about just beeing tied up from time to time and receive "punishment" from a wife who serves to him in that way.

It means to be active (...at her leash) and serve to her needs.
And if there is truly a leash to be seen in privacy or even in public :-)) it´s up to Her. (My wife would never like to live with a weak, creeping, passive slave. But she likes comfort, wellness and service and she has no problems of requiring those needs from her husband.)
Now that is all?

FLR is to her benefit and that becomes more and more his benefit. And it seems to work like that, for many couples.

The sexual issues (which are importtnt) are depending on her.
Of course she can enhance the effects by giving the FLR a more sexual and a D/s -touch.

It´s possiblble beeing submitted with or without sex.
(I mention "without sex" because one can see a lot of traditional elder people where the woman is in charge, without stating expressively. And in most cases such a sexual or submissive note is not to be seen. But who knows..)

When ever sexual elements are involved in the FLR, the fascination for the man will increase very much and so be the effects to her benefits.
That is one reason why some women give the FLR in this way a try. (And won´t get back to the former vanilla again)

When there sex is involved, it has to include a way of D/s too....
Because the male sex only is under the rules of the female sex.
Soon she will find out: the best way for her is, when he is under her sexual control, that means particulary denied:
-so he stays attentive to her needs
-so he tends better to obey and worship her.
- and they communicate- may be for the first time: more deeply and reach the "darksides" of the male (and female...) fantasies- and from now they can perhaps be open with those and handle them.

It is something that they both might like. Yes, I think many women and men would love it, if only the outward appearance of FLR - LFA, femdom etc. would be more agreeable.

Lady Julia wrote in her comment (Thank You!) "There are so many advantages for both the man and the woman when living this sort of lifestyle. There's greater harmony in the home, the woman receives so much more positive attention from her husband, he's more helpful, and so on."
I believe she is absolutely right. If only people knew.

Her Ways

2006-08-23T03:44:00.000-07:00

Like many other men over the age of 40 or 50 I am looking in my mind for „good reasons“ to presenting the „wife led marriage“ successfully to my wife. I can only succedd or fall deeply down with this concern. Like it is in the web and in the minds of good girls and good wifes it seems to be a terrible approach for a wife and only for the benefits of the depraved lust of weak men. So I tried to forget it. But when I read all those beautiful blogs around here I find that there must be so many benefits for the female as well. And I think it´s natural caused for a man to submit to his wife the way I fantasize it.
I never read from a women, who wanted to step back to a normal vanilla relationship once she came to know the deep submission of her husband with all the possible impacts to the daily life. I´m not talking only about the bedroom departement.
I became more and more convinced that my wife, who turns out to be a natural dominant person since I secretly submit to her, would love it- and do it her way- if only I could give her the right images and mental links to starting with a try of a female led marriage.
Unfortunately she doesn´t speak / read much english and there is not very much to find in her language (wich is german) to the subject. So I´m translating for myself (and a later use for her) some important texts I find. And I believe that I will find one day a wonderful situation for successfully asking her to be in charge in our marriage- formally and open, which is unspoken already the case.
But then will be perhaps the essential difference which will change the world. My world and more. It´s therefore that I love and estimate so much the postings of Candace. Because it is easy, light, intelligent, loving, inventive and helpful, and she is doing it - her way, and Tom with her.

Another Trump Card

2006-08-15T14:19:00.000-07:00

I think many of "the enlightend" community read the post of Candace yesterday.

Then I was thinking about loving the wife without sex. Submitting.
Not so beautyful maybe. But that is was she was asking. Would Tom still serve her if she would neglect his "sexual needs"? (Is it similar to the Beatles: "Will you still need me, will you still feed me, when I´m 64?" Not?)
The answer is up to the two.
What I felt was that she was in a way down and kind of afraid of loosing Tom- for one day she might not want to use sex as a trigger of Toms submission anymore.
Actually is the loss of sexuality in many cases the reason/result / beginning of going apart. But the submission of a loving man towards his dominant wife is another trump card for that couple, which cannot be overrated.
I believe Female Led Relationships can last longer than vanilla- ones.
Maybe a First: Female Led Relationship could keep the lust of the wife much more aroused.
Second: submission really ties a man to his wife if she accepts it from him.
No matter if one applies disciplinary and/or sexual skills.
But if I were a dominant wife I would ask the same question.

Will Candace will soon examine Toms submission in a more or less "sans- sex- environment"?
Just for exploring a higher level?
I don´t think he would fail. He will love it.
Because the setup of links to anything what he needs is already done, no matter what she will be demanding.

How it started and how it goes on...

2006-08-12T06:00:00.000-07:00

It´s not a long story... it just started early. As typical? I was feeling deep awe for women since I was 5 years old or earlier. I was always fascinated by their female beauty. And I always felt that they had power over me. But was I disciplined by women in reality? I don´t think it was more than usual.
I married 12 years ago and we did all the things togehter which normal couples do. The passion and the fire burned out, when our first child came....
Since I am 50 I recognize that those old submissive feelings (like I could name them now) towards the female came back and increased.
I was reading in the web many sites and I was lucky about the opportunities to learn about the character of those needs and desires.
One day I found out, that the woman in charge I was dreaming of, was perhaps just living beside me... I read and learnt a lot from Elise Sutton who wrote on her femalesuperiority site that true submission stirs and triggers dominance. This made sense to me and was worth a try... From that point I startet to follow some suggestions I found also at Mark Remonds "Worshipping your wife" -Web-book: Focus sexually on your wife exclusively, abandon masturbating to the ultimate necessary, pamper and serve your wife without any expectation that the acts will be answered.
I really stopped argueing with her, served her secretly without acting weakly (that is: not like a slave, what she wouldn't accept).

I felt better immediatly. My wife at this time stopped smoking and -I didn´t know if this caused a change in her libido too- out of the blue she wanted me to please her sexually again one night. Afterwards from time to time, after years of living in an erotical desert.
She had me enter her from behind ("stallion" -style or is that doggy -style?). She always liked it that way.

This was ever a very arousing position for me -of course. Hardly to endure. Before I used to fail by coming (to early) many times and fall off the horse. But not now: I began to use two condoms: one desentitizing and one thick.That is a good recommendation! Give it a try boys!
This allows me to stay the whole session being aroused pleasing her like she wants. Often I even abandon to release at the end (which seems all the same for her).

It is a new and fine experience: Holding her in my arms, while she falls asleep entirely satisfied- me beeing "pure and chaste" : this is not only frustrating (a "sacrifice" to her), it is definitly more of love with her, more of her beauty and more of her female power to me. This was the time, when I knew why I was married to HER and that SHE is really the woman I love.