I read HH' s post (Tuesday, April 24, 2007 Living with Double Standards) in his blog lately about "double Standards" in relationships.
The first time I noticed, there was something "wrong" in my marriage, was when I found there where double standards.
This at least lead me all the way up and down into this lifestyle. More or less. But more and more: more.
I didn't worry; what do we need rules for, when you are only two and in love?
Things would go back to a "normal" standard soon, I thought.
But underneath the blanket a jungle law is prevailing in every marriage/ relationship, isn't it?
Females seem to love the jungle, because it benefits their concern. They don't seem to like "rules", do they?
The double standards maintained in my marriage.
I found, that there were
1. rules anyway, no doubt
2. not the same rules for each of us
3. the rules are not to be discussed, not even to mention, as far as I might dislike them
So -looking back, I had hard times fighting with my 0ld fashioned "fairness".
For example when I was not so well-behaved She liked to criticize and make fun of me, in a say blessing and blaming way.
But don' t you dare to say anything to Her just that way. When She perhaps was not so... "optimal". Woe is me!
There is no use in fighting against those affairs.
Vae victis, woe to the defeated
When I looked around I found it is happening everywhere like that.
It is already there, the FLR!
Not? - wait until they get a little more over 40, then the men tend to give up resistance or escape.
I found it somehow arousing to have this total jungle play. It is just us. And we do what fits.
But in case I did not tend to acting out parts of the male submissve nature, who knows.
I'm still on my way with it. Sometimes I really resist, sometime I have fun with it.
And so to say the pleasure on Her side might be increasing as far as I see now.
Sunday, April 29, 2007
Saturday, April 28, 2007
Go This Way
The other night I had dinner with my friend Robert. That's a ritual.
We do it twice a year, just to talk and to enjoy Italian food. We like a good, but not expensive restaurant. Homelike I'd say.
He was complaining again of having no or to rarely sex with his wife. She is a good looking blonde, good shaped. They have three children...
She is cold as ice, he said. Really pissed off he was. He had given up any hope.
I asked what he would like best in his best dreams.
Oral jobs. With her? Of course.
Now I should say he is American.
Seems Americans like this treatment better than intercourse!?
What the heck they love so much about this?
Maybe it is a little different in Europe... who knows.
(What do the Chinese like best... interesting question, about the distinctions)
For myself: That is not my most beautiful dream. I always felt a bit insecure about it... and afraid of loosing my control in the wrong place.
I can understand why some FLR- Ladies call it a nono.
So I liked to test my friend a little bit.
Of course he doesn't know much about the way I am to my wife.
I said I was also having hard times with my wife. But it changed to the good.
That I have tried to make peace with myself and do the best with my possibilities (what we all are supposed to do).
What about being just a gentleman?
Yes, he said, of course you are.
And so are you.
Then I added cautiously: She likes me to go down on her, rather then anything else. (That was not quite it, but I wanted to point it out) When she ever likes to have sex, I act as if I don't expect any reciprocation..... took some time to make that clear to her, to myself.
I said I found this quite amusing. Doing service is better than doing nothing.
He listened.
I think this was interesting to him.
But... No he said ...without release on your side?
Mostly.
His heart was struggling.
Yes ..and always, when she is done, she don't ask me if I wanted to experience any more pleasure in addition this night.
She just don't care...
She just wanted me to cuddle with her and hold her tight until she fell asleep.
It really sounded new for him. Bit weird too, okay but..
he liked hearing the last.
I told him then:
Once the next morning she came along- (still undressed, when I still had my breakfast- I'm early up).
She took a cup of tea, settled down on my knees and asked: Hmm ... did you keep me in your your dreams the whole night, didn't you? I had to assent.
Could happen again like that ....I like that, she said, kissed me and vanished to her bed.
I told him about how it could be great fun to give pleasure to her without ever worrying about my own.
And what, he replied do you do with all your sexual energy- I won't stand that ... no!
Couldn't endure this.
Well, I said, are you doing better with that energy than me?
He was really a bit confused.
But he liked the idea. He liked it. As if he only didn't want to admit so quickly.
In that situation, I added, she calls the shots. Then you just have to obey to her rules and if you are lucky, it will be very lustful again one day, for both of you if you go this way.
That's even more fun, you know, than being finished before anybody is aware of the real beauty of being female and male together.
That imagination he liked very much.
Just be that knight for her.
He liked this too.
I'm sure he really caught something from it.
Later we had a good talk about his wife- and how beautiful she was and about her potentials if only he would let her be herself and him helping her in so many ways.
I hope he will do something with it.
Sometimes I talk about things as if I manage do to it always the right way... But you learn as well by teaching.
See him again one day. I will ask him, what he did. I can tell then....
We do it twice a year, just to talk and to enjoy Italian food. We like a good, but not expensive restaurant. Homelike I'd say.
He was complaining again of having no or to rarely sex with his wife. She is a good looking blonde, good shaped. They have three children...
She is cold as ice, he said. Really pissed off he was. He had given up any hope.
I asked what he would like best in his best dreams.
Oral jobs. With her? Of course.
Now I should say he is American.
Seems Americans like this treatment better than intercourse!?
What the heck they love so much about this?
Maybe it is a little different in Europe... who knows.
(What do the Chinese like best... interesting question, about the distinctions)
For myself: That is not my most beautiful dream. I always felt a bit insecure about it... and afraid of loosing my control in the wrong place.
I can understand why some FLR- Ladies call it a nono.
So I liked to test my friend a little bit.
Of course he doesn't know much about the way I am to my wife.
I said I was also having hard times with my wife. But it changed to the good.
That I have tried to make peace with myself and do the best with my possibilities (what we all are supposed to do).
What about being just a gentleman?
Yes, he said, of course you are.
And so are you.
Then I added cautiously: She likes me to go down on her, rather then anything else. (That was not quite it, but I wanted to point it out) When she ever likes to have sex, I act as if I don't expect any reciprocation..... took some time to make that clear to her, to myself.
I said I found this quite amusing. Doing service is better than doing nothing.
He listened.
I think this was interesting to him.
But... No he said ...without release on your side?
Mostly.
His heart was struggling.
Yes ..and always, when she is done, she don't ask me if I wanted to experience any more pleasure in addition this night.
She just don't care...
She just wanted me to cuddle with her and hold her tight until she fell asleep.
It really sounded new for him. Bit weird too, okay but..
he liked hearing the last.
I told him then:
Once the next morning she came along- (still undressed, when I still had my breakfast- I'm early up).
She took a cup of tea, settled down on my knees and asked: Hmm ... did you keep me in your your dreams the whole night, didn't you? I had to assent.
Could happen again like that ....I like that, she said, kissed me and vanished to her bed.
I told him about how it could be great fun to give pleasure to her without ever worrying about my own.
And what, he replied do you do with all your sexual energy- I won't stand that ... no!
Couldn't endure this.
Well, I said, are you doing better with that energy than me?
He was really a bit confused.
But he liked the idea. He liked it. As if he only didn't want to admit so quickly.
In that situation, I added, she calls the shots. Then you just have to obey to her rules and if you are lucky, it will be very lustful again one day, for both of you if you go this way.
That's even more fun, you know, than being finished before anybody is aware of the real beauty of being female and male together.
That imagination he liked very much.
Just be that knight for her.
He liked this too.
I'm sure he really caught something from it.
Later we had a good talk about his wife- and how beautiful she was and about her potentials if only he would let her be herself and him helping her in so many ways.
I hope he will do something with it.
Sometimes I talk about things as if I manage do to it always the right way... But you learn as well by teaching.
See him again one day. I will ask him, what he did. I can tell then....
Sunday, April 22, 2007
Wednesday, April 18, 2007
Two Third Potentials
I found an interesting post about how it could be of benefit for Her to have a submissive partner here at Saratogas blog. It is the most complete compilation I know. Written very clearly. Great!
In my interviewing of Aradia here on my blog you can find that up to 62 percent of all males have the potential of being submissive to a woman. As far as I remember Elise Sutton is mentioning even a higher score. And Lady Misato is too. So some of us are just a bit closer to an inner world, is that true? Becky whose blog unfortunately vanished wrote: "How they handle this realization is what makes them different. Some men accept this and lovingly yield to women.
These are the strongest men in my opinion because they are the most honest ones with their feelings." That was a statement I found interesting, so I saved this citation for me.
There are as well tests to find out how a man is wired, Aradia stated.
There are of course still enough open questions on the other end of the riding crop.
As I understand Saratoga not all women like to be dominant and nor ever being kinky. You'd better change your partner then if the subject is important for you. If you like; due to all aspects of your relationship. Many are wavering around with those questions.
On the other side Ms. Sutton believes that women can be "seduced" by
men to act more or less "dominant".
This leads me to the ask : "how far her dominance goes". But that's not so logical because dominant is dominant and if She is dominant the way SHE likes, than it might be quite different from the way her submissive partner was aiming at but she is still dominant.
Wonderful!
Well, I think it is also the way things are advertised to Her, so that one reaction could be a definitive "no" .... as meant forever and another could be a "no", what can be understood as a halfway "yes, I'd try this lifestyle if you only let me do it my way". You are lucky than, but not even halfway through with your concern.
It's obviously rare for a partner to hearing : "Oh yes, I always wanted to boss you around..., go get a rope".
May be it is a matter of the approach. I don't know if that will be enough.. There are some ways of "how to approach" to find in the net. For example here at Lady Julia's blog, or others you can find there too.
But if there are so many (male) potentials, why not arrange a school for Ladies to instruct them how to get comfortable with ways of being dominant to males in order to make the best out of 62 or more percent of all the males in order to make the world a little better, - assuming this would be the case.
Or even much better? Wouldn't this be great?
In my interviewing of Aradia here on my blog you can find that up to 62 percent of all males have the potential of being submissive to a woman. As far as I remember Elise Sutton is mentioning even a higher score. And Lady Misato is too. So some of us are just a bit closer to an inner world, is that true? Becky whose blog unfortunately vanished wrote: "How they handle this realization is what makes them different. Some men accept this and lovingly yield to women.
These are the strongest men in my opinion because they are the most honest ones with their feelings." That was a statement I found interesting, so I saved this citation for me.
There are as well tests to find out how a man is wired, Aradia stated.
There are of course still enough open questions on the other end of the riding crop.
As I understand Saratoga not all women like to be dominant and nor ever being kinky. You'd better change your partner then if the subject is important for you. If you like; due to all aspects of your relationship. Many are wavering around with those questions.
On the other side Ms. Sutton believes that women can be "seduced" by
men to act more or less "dominant".
This leads me to the ask : "how far her dominance goes". But that's not so logical because dominant is dominant and if She is dominant the way SHE likes, than it might be quite different from the way her submissive partner was aiming at but she is still dominant.
Wonderful!
Well, I think it is also the way things are advertised to Her, so that one reaction could be a definitive "no" .... as meant forever and another could be a "no", what can be understood as a halfway "yes, I'd try this lifestyle if you only let me do it my way". You are lucky than, but not even halfway through with your concern.
It's obviously rare for a partner to hearing : "Oh yes, I always wanted to boss you around..., go get a rope".
May be it is a matter of the approach. I don't know if that will be enough.. There are some ways of "how to approach" to find in the net. For example here at Lady Julia's blog, or others you can find there too.
But if there are so many (male) potentials, why not arrange a school for Ladies to instruct them how to get comfortable with ways of being dominant to males in order to make the best out of 62 or more percent of all the males in order to make the world a little better, - assuming this would be the case.
Or even much better? Wouldn't this be great?
Friday, April 13, 2007
Aradia Asked
Aradia interviewt me. Here she is:
Dear faninho,
I finally have your 5 questions. Here they are:
1. If you have any BDSM fantasies, and you were given the option of actually fulfilling your darkest one, would you go through with it? Why or why not?
I would. Difficult to find the darkest one, but I‘d go through it, as far as it goes along with my fantasy - including an unscathed survival and with Her staying with me afterwards, if I'd choose the one with the cuckolding... ...Oh heck!!
It's not about erasing my fantasies through realisation, but I'm not experienced enough with reality in this concern!
All of "us" want to live their fantasies, when a good opportunity is given, which is rare. What are we living for? Gaining a black eye? What have I to loose? A Fantasy? Surely, but there might be another one, of that I‘m sure too! And there is always so much to learn about myself.
2. Imagine if you will, that you are in an "adult toy store" being led around by your Wife on a leash in front of all the other P/patrons. She leads you back to the section where BDSM equipment is sold, and asks the sales person if She can try out Her potential purchases on you first. What would your reaction be, and why?
Would be typical for Her! I'd let her do as she liked.
If I would resist She would not let me disgracing Her that way and openly humiliate me of being halfhearted.
That would be the worst for me.
So She got all the power.
Because I was already leashed by Her, I would be anyway in such a „submissive zone“ that I‘d have no choice but meekly if not enthralled dedicate myself to her product testing. The results be at least to my benefit.
If She would -as far as I know Her - go behind a curtain into a cabin with me, she would leave it up to me if my further reactions will be heard in the whole store or not... and if they will to be seen when she's coming out with me from there...me with a red face, sweating, tears in my eyes... who knows! As She always acts economical, She would not spare the material before deciding to purchasing it :)
Would She hug and kiss me afterwards when I did a good job? Possibly.
That would be the best then and I'd be proud ...
3. If you had the choice to be anywhere, other that where your are right now, where would you be? Please give details on your choice.
Venice. La Serinissima. The Female of the Italien Cities. The Great Piazza. Campari with Her. We just came out of the ........- Hotel. Like we did years ago. The first time we tried the "Lady comes first"- way in addition with the denying the male ...like that. Was it her idea? Now sitting there. Her legs are nonchalantly crossed . Just an elegant dress. Her wonderful thighs. Her cleavage. 10:PM . We are in love. Could do anything for her. I am so eager watching Her. She accepts. Tickles my crotch under the small table, with her bare toe, despite all the people around. She loves to see me go a little nervy. Laughing together.
Feeling the trails of her nails on my body, smelling her fragrance- .
Warm air. Warm stones underneath our feet on (except the one of hers). The smell. This is Venice to me and so much more. Just love this place which is a stage all the time. A stage which invites you to show up who you are in unconditional love. Like in a fairytale. Walking around there makes me always a bit more proud of being a human being
4. "To go where no man has gone before." Where would that be for you, and why?
On the mars? To the very deepest submission? To an answer of this question? To pass away without any fear?
Maybe no man has really been before in total understanding and love with the other(s).
5. You win a windfall of money... what would be the first three things you would do with it?
Dear faninho,
I finally have your 5 questions. Here they are:
1. If you have any BDSM fantasies, and you were given the option of actually fulfilling your darkest one, would you go through with it? Why or why not?
I would. Difficult to find the darkest one, but I‘d go through it, as far as it goes along with my fantasy - including an unscathed survival and with Her staying with me afterwards, if I'd choose the one with the cuckolding... ...Oh heck!!
It's not about erasing my fantasies through realisation, but I'm not experienced enough with reality in this concern!
All of "us" want to live their fantasies, when a good opportunity is given, which is rare. What are we living for? Gaining a black eye? What have I to loose? A Fantasy? Surely, but there might be another one, of that I‘m sure too! And there is always so much to learn about myself.
2. Imagine if you will, that you are in an "adult toy store" being led around by your Wife on a leash in front of all the other P/patrons. She leads you back to the section where BDSM equipment is sold, and asks the sales person if She can try out Her potential purchases on you first. What would your reaction be, and why?
Would be typical for Her! I'd let her do as she liked.
If I would resist She would not let me disgracing Her that way and openly humiliate me of being halfhearted.
That would be the worst for me.
So She got all the power.
Because I was already leashed by Her, I would be anyway in such a „submissive zone“ that I‘d have no choice but meekly if not enthralled dedicate myself to her product testing. The results be at least to my benefit.
If She would -as far as I know Her - go behind a curtain into a cabin with me, she would leave it up to me if my further reactions will be heard in the whole store or not... and if they will to be seen when she's coming out with me from there...me with a red face, sweating, tears in my eyes... who knows! As She always acts economical, She would not spare the material before deciding to purchasing it :)
Would She hug and kiss me afterwards when I did a good job? Possibly.
That would be the best then and I'd be proud ...
3. If you had the choice to be anywhere, other that where your are right now, where would you be? Please give details on your choice.
Venice. La Serinissima. The Female of the Italien Cities. The Great Piazza. Campari with Her. We just came out of the ........- Hotel. Like we did years ago. The first time we tried the "Lady comes first"- way in addition with the denying the male ...like that. Was it her idea? Now sitting there. Her legs are nonchalantly crossed . Just an elegant dress. Her wonderful thighs. Her cleavage. 10:PM . We are in love. Could do anything for her. I am so eager watching Her. She accepts. Tickles my crotch under the small table, with her bare toe, despite all the people around. She loves to see me go a little nervy. Laughing together.
Feeling the trails of her nails on my body, smelling her fragrance- .
Warm air. Warm stones underneath our feet on (except the one of hers). The smell. This is Venice to me and so much more. Just love this place which is a stage all the time. A stage which invites you to show up who you are in unconditional love. Like in a fairytale. Walking around there makes me always a bit more proud of being a human being
4. "To go where no man has gone before." Where would that be for you, and why?
On the mars? To the very deepest submission? To an answer of this question? To pass away without any fear?
Maybe no man has really been before in total understanding and love with the other(s).
5. You win a windfall of money... what would be the first three things you would do with it?
- Definitively ask my wife and share it with Her in a partitioning of Her choice.
- If something is left from Number 1. for me, what I hope, I‘ll -care about the house, the holidays, the wellness -all with limits (except the Ferrari LOL) ... and what it takes to prepare a place for love and understanding ..to than:
- find out what I can do to make the world a little better (a try, but...) This process will take some time and needs intuition, but I will succeed soon- because submission means to me to surrender to the pleasure of life; to increase it a bit outside of myself as well.
Just projecting wellfare for others, who need it.
Thursday, April 12, 2007
Linkin' skills
Due to my skills in layouting my beautiful blog I found out that the beauty must be more of an inner quality as coming from the outfit. Trying to install a "sitemeter" (idea of Susan -went -away ?) I lost my linking- list of "blogs I read" in... translation. But most of the writers I like you may find from time to time in my comments... (good to have..).
Maybe I 'll manage soon to repair....but not today.
Maybe I 'll manage soon to repair....but not today.
Saturday, April 07, 2007
Happy Easter
It is Easter Saturday - one of my favorites days in the year. Driving my old Mercedes -(we only got old cars) I wish I could play piano and sing at the same time like Bruce Hornsby in "That's just the way it is" - one of my favorite songs anyway. It appeared on the radio while I was around somewhere in the Swiss alps and I thought: I like it the way it is. I am not living tomorrow. The problems we have with each other, especially the ones we have with our spouses, are there to motivate you to learning something about ourselves- and not always to find an answer that erases the question. Leave the question a bit. Questions are -once in a while- worth for themselves, aren't they?
Not so the interview questions I read in the blog- neighborhood recently.
It's wonderful to get an image of people you don't know in reality or which you know only by bloging. Isn't that fun?
Not so the interview questions I read in the blog- neighborhood recently.
It's wonderful to get an image of people you don't know in reality or which you know only by bloging. Isn't that fun?
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